How to survive a divorce

There have been major changes in your life. They will affect everything. Previously, you devoted a lot  to your husband and family but now you do not. In addition,you are overwhelmed with  feelings: guilt, fear, anger, bitterness, self-pity. You constantly have thoughts that you have been abandoned, that it’s over.

How to get out of this state? How to survive a divorce?

Take time out for two months.

Don’t try to get him back no matter who left you or him. Instead, take a break for two month. This will allow you to move away from emotions and take a sober look at the situation. The crisis, on average, ends one to two months after the breakup.

What to do while we wait?

There is one super technique that will help to cool down to a loved one in a short time.

• Step one. Take a notebook and describe in detail and bright colors the feelings to your ex  and your expectations of him.
• Step two. Now describe your ideal fictional life partner. His qualities, behavior, feelings for you.
• Step three. Compare your ex and this ideal man. List your husband’s shortcomings, both psychologically and physically.
• Step four. Study the list of his negative qualities. Think what you can add. And analyze if you really would like to see such a person next to you?
• Step five. Think that with age the person’s negative traits only increase. Think of the sacrifices you will have to make if you’d stay with him for the rest of your life. Imagine the worst scenario of all, describe it in detail.
• Step six. You have actually described your life as it would have been without a divorce. Hope, you have already understood that such a person has nothing to do around.

What else do you need to do?

Forbid yourself to think about the divorce for two months.

Forbid yourself to discuss the situation with somebody. Take a break for two months and decide for yourself not to talk about your ex, not to think about him, not to watch his social networks, not to discuss his actions with friends, relatives, acquaintances. Block all these.

If someone begins to ask or involve you in a conversation about divorce, say directly: “I will not discuss this topic for the next two months.” Conversations and thoughts will only “shake the boat” in which you “float”, and if you shake it with emotions or thoughts, you will turn over and drown.

Renew the interior of the apartment

A change of home environment will have a beneficial effect on the start of a new life. Throw away everything that reminds you of your husband. Remove everything that annoys, angers, and upsets. It will also keep you busy.

Start planning your day

Describe everything you are going to do, each detail of your day. Be sure to include leisure activities in your plan. It’s necessary to fill every minute of your daytime. Concentrate on what you like, keep the focus on the positive. Start small: notice every good emotion from delicious tea, from a good movie, from the sun outside.

Don’t neglect your appearance

Well-groomed – more thoroughly than before! This will give you confidence. You will look good and therefore psychological balance will come faster. Go in for sports, dance, visit a beautician, change your wardrobe, take a massage course. In addition to the obvious cosmetic result it will help to relax and neutralize stress.

Set a new goal

Maybe it will be climbing a mountain or  learning a new language, no matter. Focus on this goal so that  the energy of anger is transformed into an engine of progress.

Happiness is inside you, not in a man

Learn to independently  accumulate your happiness. It completely depends on you, not on the man.

Don’t give up

Many women after a divorce, in addition to emotional distress, experience financial difficulties. Don’t give up. Go looking for a job. This is not always easy and it will require persistence and patience. But don’t give up. Do not hesitate to ask for help from acquaintances, friends and relatives. Perhaps some of them need employees. By the way, for many women career success comes right after parting. Hold on to this thought.

Look into the future positively and with faith

Know for sure that you will marry again, if, of course, you need it. You will start a new and bright life again, divorce is just a stage.

Two months have passed. What’s next?

So you live for two months, strictly following all the points. This will help you recover.

Now you are ready to face the event, you have the strength to survive everything that happens. Now you should talk to your ex.

The purpose of this conversation is to clarify the situation. Perhaps you will hear the “truth” about yourself.  See what happens now. When a woman “switches off” immediately after parting, the man is disoriented, he does not expect such a reaction. He expects tantrums, accusations, anger, manipulation, but not silence.

The most common mistake of a woman is not to let her ex-husband leave. Letters and messages, attempts to meet and talk about the relationship, calls and texting on his social networks – that’s all wrong. Silence. Silence is needed.

Finally

Forget everything that has happened, no matter whether it is good or bad. This marriage does not exist now. There are many great things ahead and better relationships. But whether this will have a chance to happen or not is up to you. It is impossible to turn back and walk forward at the same time.